New Road

I had been at Mama's for several months, and I was ready to go home! At the same time I was wondering could I make it on my own? Anna  would be at work during the day. Before I had left Mama's she had helped me get on disability. We had continued to work on me trying to be admitted to Tennessee Rehabilitation Center in Smyrna. I finally got called in for an interview. At the time I had to wait for a spot to come open in the TBI (traumatic brain injury) program. It would not be until February 2009 until they had an opening in the program. Mama had helped me as much as she could help me! It was time to see if I could do it on my own? It was now the end of September? With Mama's and Lisa's help I am now strong enough to go home! I don't know who was more glad for me to go home? Was it Mama and John or ME? I know they had to give up quite a bit for me to be there, and for that I will be forever grateful and thankful! But, I was ready to go home!  While I was at Mama's Rick and Jennifer built me a ramp to get in the house. I am on the road to home! I was soooooo glad to get home and feel at ease. I was glad to see my dog Jessie, I had not seen her since March! She has not left my side when I am at home. She is great company! Now is the time for me to make it on my own. I would get really frustrated about trying to do things around the house. I tried sweeping, but run over what ever I had swept up on the floor. I tried to vacuum with a small electric sweeper , but the cord would get caught around the wheels of my chair. Before the stroke I could sweep and mop the whole house in about 2 hours. Now it takes me about 2 hours just to dust and sweep one room. I had to make sure if I needed a can open for lunch, I had to get Anna to open it for me the night before. I haven't figured out how to get a can open yet? I have figured out how to get in and out of the shower by myself. I guess I will just have to have a "French" woman's underarm on the left arm? I haven't figured out how to shave under the left arm yet without help. I  have a stock of sissors all over the house.  They help to serve as my left hand when opening packages, boxes, and paper. I try to adjust each day to try something new around the house. I will continue on with life! Where does this fork in the road take me?  I can roll over and die? I choose to kick up my heels and say here I COME!!!

Time Marches On

It;s true, Time stands still for no one! I don't want this to sound like a pity party. I want to try to explain some of the emotions I felt after the stroke? I was very scared! I had lots of questions, but NO answers! I felt like I was alone? How was I going to take care of myself? How was I going to provide for myself? Would I ever make it back to the way I was before the stroke? How do I go about getting better? Would I ever be able to drive again? Would I ever be able to walk again? Would I ever be able to hug again?  Would I ever be able to work again? I felt that I must have been a bad person for this to happen? I was very mad! I had gone through some hard times in my life, but this was the grand moments of all. I had always some how made it through the rough times, but I didn't know if I could make it through this moment? At this time self-denial was my greatest friend.  I could not face the possibility that I would not return to "normal"! The thought was just too terrifying! All I could do was sit and cry for the death of me that I had been before March 27, 2008.  I wanted to scream  PLEASE HELP ME! But who would I scream it to? I wanted my independence back! I just wanted to be ME! I guess I was  the new ME? I felt if time had stood still? Life was continuing on around me, but I didn't know which way to go? I knew I had two choices to lay down and  die or get up off my tail and LIVE! I chose the to live route. Time wasn't going to wait for me , it continued to march on daily!