Mind Games Continued

 I know now that I may have been breathing and alive at the time of stroke, but there is alot I don't remember? There have been friends that visited me at the hospital that I have no memory of at all. I do remember being in a room with an elderly black lady that also was a stroke patient. I tried talking to her, but she would not answer me, which I understand was her choice. She played a gospel CD that her daughter had made. I love music, but the same CD over and over again can get on your nerves! I was trying to get along with her. One evening my Mom had come to visit and she had turned down the cd player. Turnung down the cd player made the lady really mad. The lady called her daughters and they came in around 8:00 PM and 11:00 PM.  I had not slept good for several nights due to the late night visitors, the music , and the TV.  On this particular night they came in  pulled the curtain all the way around and talking about they were from New Orleans, and how they took care of them white people in New Orleans. There was also a different nursing staff on this night. The nurse that was giving meds was a Chinese lady. The nurse tech was a Chinese man. The nurse was talking with the daughters and I heard her say that they didn't need to worry about me because she would take care of me. I was scared  to death. I knew I couldn't defend myself if they tried anything.  I was scared to go to sleep, but I knew I had to work hard in therapy the next day. I fell asleep at some point because just as it was getting daylight. The male tech came in and AT  the foot of my bed was putting meds together in cups. I woke up enough to know that he should't be giving me meds. I refused to take them. I was scared out of my mind. I was thinking after the statements from the night before they were trying to kill me.  Finally morning came, I was still upset when Dr. O'Duffy made rounds. Thank goodness, she arranged to move me to a private room. My brother (Glenn) spoke with someone and they assured us I would not have to deal with the Chinese pair again.


I gad some really good nurses and some I wondered about their abilities. I had a nurse on day shift that I felt really comfortable working on my rehab.  For me at this time stability was really important to me. I was scared about today, and about the future. I wondered how I was going to take care of myelf, when I  couldn't even make to the bathroom. If I did get to the bathroom , I could't figure out how to get my drawers up. My balance standing up was horrific.  How would I provide for myself? I felt like I was putting a burden on everyone. I don't know what I would have done without my Mama, brothers, sisters, and my kids.. When they were there is the only time I felt safe! I can only imagne what they were going through, if it been one of them I would have wanted to take away  all the struggles and pain for them. But I  know that i would have to stand hopelessly by and hope and pray for the best. Thank God, that I have a family that supported me. This was a battle that I had to conquer myself. Thank you God, Mama, Pee-wee, Al, Naomi. Lisa, Glenn, Jennifer,Brian,Anna, friends and family  for your support and love! I couldn't have done it without you!