Sleep eludes me?

One of the problems I have had with the stroke is the pain in my shoulder and arm. Here I sat @4:00 Saturday morning wanting so badly to sleep but, my arm feels that it weighs about 90# and every muscle in my back,  shoulder, and neck feels like one huge knot.

Now back to the story! I was moved from the ICU I believe April 7, 2008 to Vanderbilt Stallworth Hospital, which would be my "home" for what seemed like an eternity. I remember laying in bed thinking if I had gotten over open heart surgery in about six weeks surely I could do the same with a stroke? We set about the road to "recovery"? I had to learn how to swallow again, Funny really if you think about it, one of the problems that had brought me to this place, I had to learn to do again. They would gather us all up and take us to a room to eat together to make sure we didn't choke? I would later kid that they were taking us to the round table, I did not care for the round table, but eventually I was able to eat the "dog mush" in my room. At least then it was by myself and not anyone saying don't eat so fast or how much I could have on my spoon or what to drink first/ I remember a "drink" when I first started drinking, I can't remember the name of it, but the best way to describe is a really thick jello, with the taste of mucus cough syrup. I understand now the safety and why I had to drink it then, but doesn't mean that I liked it . But I would soon learn that there would be alot of things I didn't like....  I remember starting PT (Physical Theraphy) and trying to learn to sit up and not be a "wobble", but I couldn't be a "wobble" because wobble's webble but they don't fall down. I eventually learned to sit again. Then we started to work on the legs. Thank goodness I had a great physical therphist's  and her name was Kelly. My OT (Occupational Therapist) was Joy. I will always be grateful for their help. While working on the leg and arm was difficult, the mind and the heart proved to be the most difficult.  In my mind I was still going to back to "normal" in six weeks. My speech therapist Amanda had the most difficult task, convincing me that I would not be able to get up and go back to work.  I remember Amanda and I had a session and I  was talking about going to work, and it dawned on me that I wasn't going to be able to start my new job on April 14th.  I remember I cried the rest of the day, I was devastated! I realized I had to admit defeat and call Maurice and tell him that I would not be able to take the job. I don't know which was worst that I wasn't going to able to take the job or having to call him and admit this was something that I could not just bounce back from? I had always been in my mind such a strong person. There was nothing that I couldn't do if I set my mind to it!