Where Did I Go?

I had tried so hard over the years to build my self confidence and to figure out "who I was"? Before the stroke I had that figured out and had the walls up to protect who I thought myself to be at the time. Well the stroke blew those walls away and left me bare! I lost my voice. I felt less than a person? I felt like I didn't deserve anything, that I shouldn't ask for anything. I felt if I wasn't contributing, then I should just try to be invisible. Yes I could speak, but I was afraid to speak for myself? When your lively-hood and life depends on someone else you tend to keep your mouth shut, even when you think something is unjust. Yes, I realize that my brain was healing ,but I felt that people thought I was stupid or something? I may have been a little scattered in my thinking , but there was nothing wrong with the perception part of my brain?  I still had feeling. I still knew when people were uncomfortable with the situation. I could still feel when I was not wanted somewhere. I could still feel when someone tried to belittle me in a "sly" way, trying to make it seem humorous? I did not find the humor in it , all I felt was pain and betrayal. I have a great sense of humor, but I don't find humor at someone's  pain funny? I find that to be a bully! Mama started helping me with trying to get help with disability and trying to get into TRC( Tennessee Rehabilitation Center) in Smyrna. Unless you are totally bedridden a lot of the programs out there will not help you. There is help out there you just have to dig for the help. If you are bedridden the Center for Aging and Disability is a good start.