Demented Mind

 I had been going part-time to TRC.  I started going as a full time student. I would still get up around 3:00 A.M. to get ready in time for the "short bus". T he days were much now much longer. . By the end of the week, I was mentally drained and wore out physically. I was still trying to get control of my "emotions". I just knew  "I" was still in there! It is really hard to accept that you will never be who you were before a stroke. Where did my self- confidence, sense of humor,clear thinking.calmness, caution in thinking, where did they all go? In their place I have a clogged confused brain, a arm that doesn't work, a leg that works partially. a voice that I feel sounds like "Forrest Gump". Words that before  to me sounded normal, easy words like funny, money, mixed with a southern drawl, sound like fuNN -NEY, and moNN-NEY, What to me is strange is that when I say the words in my head they sound "normal", but when they come out sound totally different.  Eating is different, I now eat like every meal is my last meal, and end up with just about as much food on the floor and me that I eat. I still don't understamd WHY? I had finally started getting use to the routine  at TRC.   In the afternoon when the "short bus" picked me up I  could get home anywhere from 4-8 P.M. T he main problem I was having was being able to stay awake by the end of the day. The other big problem I had was reading? Anytime I tried to read or think about something, it was like I could feel all the energy leaving my body? My eyes and brain would just shut down; like a drained battery?