Losing Control

 After several months of trying to go to TRC part-time, I switched to moving to TRC and going full-time. In order to do this I moved in  to the Medical dorm. There were other floors to live on ,but to live on those floors you had to be totally independent. I could not get a bra on myself to save my life. On our floor we had one bathroom, one shower, that 8 rooms shared.  Talking about giving up your privacy! I had to give up my medicines to the nurse's station.  I was not comfortable giving up my meds,  I knew my medicines if I didn't know anything else.  It scared me because the line you had to wait in to get yours meds, it was like a line of a bunch of cattle going to slaughter.  I understand that people are human and that mistakes can be made. Of couse, I knew my meds, and wanted to take the time to go through each med to make sure I had the correct medicine. The nurses were trying to get all the cattle through the line, and they didn't appreciate me checking my meds. The scary thought is that there were people at TRC that didn't have a clue what they were taking or what they were suppose to be taking. I was not allowed to keep my nitroglycerin on  my person. If I was to need it I would have to get back to the nurses station to get it. To me that didn't make sense?  This would later change after an incident one night. After all of the changes from moving from home to TRC, and being around people constantly the stress was really building up. One night I woke up with chest pain, I pushed the call button, an Bernice came to check on me, she then had to get in touch with a nurse, then the nurse brought me a nitroglycerin tablet. After that night I carried my nitroglycerin with me. I started having trouble with my blood sugars, but its hard to control your blood sugar if you don't have control over what you eat. We had a cafeteria, but they did not carry  food friendly foods for diabetics. After talking with the dietitian, this did improve a little they at least started serving more vegetables?  The problem was they thought corn was a great vegetable, and I agree it is tasty, but corn, white beans, and corn bread can mess with your blood sugar. I was taking a pill called glyburide, this I was suppose to take if my blood sugar was over 200. I could not get the nurses to understand how I was suppose to take the pill. They called Dr. Beuter's office and explained to them that they had to have a specific time to give me the pill. I tried to explain to them that Dr. Beuter had told me not to take it unless my blood sugar was over 200, but they started giving it to me 2 times a day. My gut told me this was not right, but they said they had spoken with Dr. Beuter. I did not trust the nurses judgement ,but I trusted his judgement. I should have called him myself.  They were giving me the glyburide no matter what my blood sugar was running.  During this time I was trying to go thru their process to self-medicate.